Interview: Kristine Hlukh

K: looking nervous because I cornered her in a hallway

S: Hello, how are you today?

K: I'm good, how are you?

S: Pretty good so I just have about 15 questions for you today… Ready?

K: Yep!

S: Ok first question, If our school had a “national anthem,” what song would you nominate and why?

K: Probably like…a French song- I think they are pretty cool. Like one with instruments in the background.

S: Which French song?

K: stressing Just a French one, any one really.

S: Ok, question number 2: What’s the most creative excuse you’ve ever considered using for being late even if you didn’t actually use it?

K: I mean there are a lot to choose from… pauses WAIT, DO THE TEACHERS READ THIS?!

S: No, probably not….

Collective nervous stressing about getting busted

S: seriously reconsidering my life choice to join this club

K: I would say maybe like, my car broke down or something, I know not that creative but I’d really have to think about it.

S: Yeah that's fair. Ne- (Editing Note: I just completely stutter for 5 minutes straight, Jaime laughed at me, so I will not include my absolutely humiliating moment in this interview. -Scarlet) Ohh ok this is a good question, If you could replace all the chairs in the school with something else to sit on what would you pick?

K: I would choose the most comfiest chair in the world, like one with scientific research on it.

S: Like those massage chairs?

K: Yeah, like, something really comfortable, but not so comfy that I fall asleep.

S: Mmhmmm..*murmurs of agreement*

K: Maybe like a beanbag?

S: That's valid, yeah, that's a good choice. I think I would choose like a beanbag or maybe one of those fancy chairs that you can recline in.

K: Or you know what, rocking chairs!

S: Yes, that's so real. Which fictional character from a book or movie would make the worst teacher, and what class would they teach?

K: deep concentration Ummm… an eternity laterMaybe, like, the Joker, and he would teach English.

S: Really I would have thought that he would have taught us science or something? (Editing Note: This is ABSOLUTELY not a jab at Mr. De Jong)

K: Yeah, maybe, I feel like he would be good at science.

S: Yeah that's true I feel like he would teach us how to make bombs.

K: We would be having some crazy experiments.

S: Ok, next question, if your backpack could talk what would it complain about the most?

K: no hesitation How heavy it is, it is definitely overfilled, with schoolwork, and then also the way I treat it. Sometimes I just toss it around.

S: Fair, what's your unofficial superpower, like.. One that is useless but kinda impressive. Mine is that I can fold my fingers over one another and create a staircase thing.

K: I guess like doing a backbend, no, that's not useless.

S: Yeah, who knows, you could become an acrobat one day!

K: Yeah I could become one of the cirque de soleil performers.

K: I mean I can fold my hands into a face..

S: Oh, like the snake face? I could never do that, cool trick! If you had to eat one food for the rest of the year what would it be?

K: Probably like sushi, but if it had to be one type I don't know… I would change it to, umm… I forgot what it's called. It's a type of pasta… 5 minutes of research later Carbonara! That's what it is.

S: I don't think I've ever had it but it sounds really good!

The lunch bell goes off so watch this interview get progressively more rushed

S: Lets speedrun it because we're running out of time, if you could rename one school subject to sound more interesting what would it be?

K: I would rename science to “chemicals and fun stuff”

S: Really?

K: Yeah, chemicals and Mr. De Jong is fun.

S: Which animal would make the best classmate?

K: A bear!

S: They are so cuddly..

K: I would want to hug them.

S: Yeah, they are really really cute. If you could add one completely ridiculous rule to the school handbook, what would it be?

K: no hesitation, intense irritation on her face Absolutely no ragebaiting me.

S: Like you specifically?

K: No, let's just stop it in general, I don't see the point.

S: What's your strategy to get a teacher to not call on you in class?

K:*she makes an intense concentration face while nodding and writing with a pencil, totally locked in*

 And avoid eye contact at all costs, and maybe even drink some water or grab your water bottle.

S: I always pretend I'm, like, thinking about it intensely.

she has the audacity to rush me because the second bell is about to ring

S: If your homework could magically do one thing for you, what would you want it to do?

K: Just answer all the homework correctly, I guess.

S: What’s the most dramatic way you’ve ever reacted to a pop quiz?

K: Probably, like, cried.. Definitely not..

S: We've all cried during those kinematics tests.

K: There was one science one where I was completely unprepared.

S: Oh nooo, ok, last question, no explanation, what's a theme song you could play every time you enter a classroom what would it be?

K: starts humming a random song that I had to look up Hey now, hey now- gibbirish

S: Ok, byee!

(Editing Note: The song turned out to be “Don't dream it's over” by Crowded House.)