Testimony: Forever Grateful

Anonymously Written

I was on the fence about Christianity for a good portion of my life. I only really started feeling like I accepted Jesus into my heart when I talked to a youth pastor about a month ago. I thought it was supposed to be easy getting to know God, but the devil tried to get me over and over again. When I was younger, I thought he was just this hero in the sky who protects everyone, but now that I know him, he's so much more. Jesus is love, patience, appreciation, gratitude; he’s everything, and he loves us all. My early influences of Christianity were my grandparents on my father's side, because they were die-hard Christians and loved Jesus so much they always went to church and were always too delighted to tell you about Jesus, especially my grandma. I owe it to them for growing up knowing Jesus. I've been pushed to the brink mentally and physically. It was not easy getting to know Jesus. In pre-school, I was regularly bitten and bullied for protecting the disabled girl. In kindergarten through grade 5, I was heavily bullied for being me. I thought I was fine after switching to LGCA, but some depression carried on. I was bullied a little bit, and then it got worse. I was already having “thoughts”, but being bullied and hearing racism brought back some not-so-great memories, and it made me believe I couldn't fit in anywhere. I used to be so good at social skills, but because of the number of times people have taken advantage of me, I've lost so many useful skills.

When I was on a field trip, I had had enough of the bullying and humiliation. No one recognized my kindness; they all took me for granted, and no one cared about how hard I tried just to put a smile on their face. My faith was solidified when I told a youth pastor about my insecurity and fear. He told me how everyone has doubts here and there, but it's how we choose to handle that doubt. And that's when it became apparent to me that Jesus exists, and I'm forever grateful for that talk. I want to grow up knowing Jesus, and I don't know what I would have done if I had to take that path alone. In my first Bible class this year, I thought that it would be a regular class where we get told to do an assignment and maybe that will bring us closer to Jesus. But instead we were told to read in silence for 10 minutes, and in those few minutes I feel like I grew immensely closer to God. I read verses that I wasn't even feeling like reading, but it was those ten minutes where I just spent learning about everything Jesus does for us and what he wants for us, and it forever changed me for the better.

Right now, I'm doing well, I have friends, school is going well, and I feel like life is finally working out for me. I don't feel like I totally fit in yet, but I'm getting there, and I wouldn't be exactly where I am without everything that has happened to me collectively. It feels to me as if I just want to help, and God helps me go day to day with a smile on my face. A tip to identify any person you see, the ones that are smiling the most and the ones that are most kind to others have gone through the most pain. The ones that don't are usually just grumpy or tired. In conclusion, I wouldn't be here without God, and I am forever grateful.